We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
