there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
