I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
