Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
