I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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