Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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