remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
