Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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