i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
