I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize