Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
