Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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