Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
