11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize