I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
