i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
