I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize