My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
