i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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