We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
