Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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