gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
