I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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