Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
