I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize