He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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