i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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