i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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