this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
