So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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