I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
