we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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