You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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