im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
