Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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