My sheets look like a crime scene.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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