He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
