I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
