My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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