Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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