ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my sisters under your porch take her home
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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