mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
