shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
