I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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