I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
