I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
