i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
