I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
