It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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