it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
