I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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