i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
