i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
