Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
