I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
