Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
