I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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