U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
