my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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