no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
