Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
